My Aeris

It is like I'm on a race and just when I'm on the last lap, I stumble then instantly fell off. And so I lose the fight.

I'm Aeris. A typical girl living under not so ordinary circumstances. I have a great family on my side, a perfect home, good education, wonderful circle of friends and one true love. Of course, I'm happy of everything life has offered me for these past twenty years. I just wish that I can be able to hold on to them for much longer. Thirty or forty years more, perhaps? But guess what, my life is now cut down to three months or even shorter.

I'm dying.

I've found out my illness  before I even learned how to read. It's congenital. I have it in ever since I started breathing. Or maybe even earlier. Along the way, I somehow feel so betrayed by life I almost think so perfect. Is it my own existence that I have to give in return for all the good things it has bestowed me? Now, that's cruel.

But on the other end, I'd rather be thankful. Because I learned how to value every single second I have on my clock. No one have lived a perfect long life but a much shorter yet full of precious memories isn't too far to reach.

We just come and go. So I take every chance for my happiness and let all the misery be thrown out to the wind.

But there's Kurt. The only person I intendly keep in the dark. As much as I know that he's one of those I so called happiness, his, is a different story. He has lived for twenty years before he met me. All I want is for him to keep going as if I'd never existed. At all.

We're like two passengers on a bus. Same vehicle. Different stops. Sadly, I'm the first one to go. 

I break up with him few days after I've known the span of time this illness can only sustain me. I can feel my pale hands tremble as I reach for his tear-filled cheeks. He doesn't utter any word. But his sobs are slowly piercing me in. It's the moment that I feel really dying inside. 

I see his frailty at that very instance. Seeing him that way, one thought has raised in my mind.  He indeed needs someone who's  much stronger, someone who will heartfully offer him the pledge of forever.He needs a history, not merely just a chapter. In my case, it's worse.  I'm just a page ripped out from his book.

I never tell him that I stop loving him (he probably won't believe it, anyway) nor did I say the real reason. But same result, I broke his heart, still.

"I'll be going somewhere you can't easily follow. So please, don't wait for me. The moment I turn my back  on you, let me go with our memories and don't leave anything on yourself."

His sense of denial, his tears, his awkward silence and his final grasp are the last things I bring with me as I walk back home.

***

I'm Aeris. I've just celebrated my 52nd year birthday. Who would have believed that an almost dying person years back, has come to live more than she'd ever expected?

I'm now holding the last piece of memory of the man who saved me. Memories went flashing back again.

How I wish I was able to save him back.

***

I abruptly walk my way out when a fast approaching car's about to hit me but before all else fails, I feel him suddenly pushing me towards the roadside. My body is weakening that I instantly lose my consciousness.

We're both brought to the hospital.  Few more days, then I gain some strength. And another miraculous news welcomes me. I've just had... my second life.

A genuine sense of happiness fill me in  but when his image comes across my head, a sudden realization hits me. And their eyes send me the conviction. 

 On the bedside table lies a note. He wrote it before the operation. And it simply says...

"Live for me, my Aeris. — Kurt"